I (Mia) am so thankful that I, as high maintenance as I can be, am never too much for God. It seems like a no brainier statement, but the reality is that there have been times when I have thought that the junk I got is too much for Him and because it's too much for Him how on earth could anyone in my church or my circle of friends handle the truth.

In the weeks to come, I look forward to sharing a bit of the disaster that I was because I know that God has done a mighty work and I love what He is molding me into. Yes, still flawed, but a work in progress and a new creation through the power of Christ Jesus!

It took a lot to get me there, but one of the biggest assets I had while being molded was an amazing ministry called Celebrate Recovery, a Christ centered recovery program that started over 20 years ago at Saddleback Church in California. Now, in over 20,000 churches world-wide, Celebrate Recovery addresses that we have hurts, hang-ups and habits and that alone life is hard, but in community and with accountability rooted in the foundation of Jesus Christ, we have healing, recovery and fellowship.

When I thought that what I was going through was too much and that the world would judge me and even now when I struggle, I know that I have a place that is safe, free from judgement and quick fixes. A place that will walk along side me in my struggle, not trying to fix me, but allowing God through the power of the Holy Spirit speak, reveal and heal and hurt, habit or hang-up that I am going through.

The lie that what I am going through is too much for the church seems to be a device of Satan to keep me (and you) from reaching out, to keep me in isolation and I don't know about you, but that seems like the worse place to be in the midst of a struggle.

So sisters (and brothers if you are out there) let's remember that we are not alone and that there is a place and there are people that are safe that can totally handle the crud that we carry. That same crud that God will turn to victory when we surrender to His will.

I pray that God would reveal those people, those places to each of us so that we will feel safe confessing our sins, confiding our lives and growing together and watching God do amazing things with our stories as He uses them for His glory!

Here is a song that I wrote for the Movie, Home Run, "You Are Not Alone" Remember that there are people that will walk along side you. 

You are not too much, You are not Alone!

Blessings, Mia Koehne

Today's blog post finishes up this week's Devotional: What's Your Story? Allowing Our History to Become His Legacy. Click HERE to start at the beginning. 

As I {Mandy} listened to her speak--hanging on her every word--what she was saying was burning a hole in my heart. Her eloquence and mastery of scripture was beyond impressive. You could almost feel the flames of her passion.

I wanted what she had. I wanted to speak my heart to others and have them want to run to God in response, the way this woman was making myself and the others in the crowd feel.

But I couldn't. I was neither as eloquent nor as close to God as this woman obviously was. Her Bible was falling apart because she studied it so much. God's Word just rolled off her tongue. She spoke with confidence of things I barely knew a thing about. 

I wanted to do what this woman was doing and have a relationship with God like she did, but it just wasn't meant to be, I decided. I had nothing to say and no one who'd want to hear it. 

Those are the thoughts that bounced around inside my head several years ago. I had a stirring in my heart to speak boldly for God and to share with others, so that they would find their way to God. But I felt inadequate. And the truth was--I was inadequate. Horribly inadequate, in fact.

For starters, I wanted to do what I wanted to do. I wanted to be close to God, but I wasn't actively pursuing a relationship with Him by being in His Word and praying daily. I wanted to reach women with my story, but only with the cleaned-up version of it...saving the really embarrassing stuff for only a select few. 

I put that dream on hold and God worked on me over the past decade. He carried me and brought me through some very dark valleys and celebrated with me on some amazing peaks. All the while, preparing my heart to say, "Whatever You want, Lord, I will do."

It's been a stunning journey so far. I still have that desire in my heart to be like this woman that I saw speak so many years ago, but instead of wanting to emulate her, I want to emulate Christ. Instead of wanting only to present the stage-ready version of myself, God is preparing me to share all of me, who I really am. And, more importantly, who God really is and how He has brought me to where I am. 

My past does not have to be hidden or swept under the rug. Choices I've made and sins I've committed are forgiven and don't have to be concealed. When I shroud my past, especially the less-than-stellar parts of it, I paint an incomplete picture. My desire is to maintain "credibility" instead of showing God's grace and redemption. 

I was confused for so long that being a Christian meant being perfect, or darn close. I realize now that being a Christian means being forgiven. It means following Christ. It means laying down my pride and taking up my cross.

Our crosses all look different, but the driving force behind each of us taking ours up is the same: we honor and glorify the Lord when we show His strength in our weakness.

Maybe your heart's desire isn't to become a speaker. Maybe it isn't to be a writer stirring the hearts of women with words. Whatever it is, you can rest assured it will be using who you are and all parts of your life-- past and present--to paint a beautiful picture of God's Grace.  

Allow your history to become His legacy. 

“Are you having an affair” he asked.

That question is the beginning of a road that Darlene Schacht never dreamed she would travel.  When she nodded her head to tell him she was, his response floored me.

Loving his wife with the love of Christ for his church, he reached out in grace.  Thus began Darlene and her husband’s journey through the darkest of times to find the beautiful marriage that God intended waiting for them.

Although we have not had to deal with an affair, my husband and I have also had our share of messes.  We have been through adoption, depression, raising children with special needs, family strife, moving, addictions, and more.  It is during those times that a marriage is tested.  It is what we do with the mess that determines the future of our marriage.

In her book, Messy Beautiful Love, launching Tuesday, September 16, Darlene shares with incredible authenticity the story of how she and her husband have navigated difficult times in their marriage.  She challenges us, with a strong biblical basis, to tune out the voices of the world that seem intent to destroy marriages and instead, obediently follow the will of God who wants to bless our marriages – even those that seem unsalvageable. 

Recently, Darlene answered interview questions for us about the new book.  After reading her answers, I know you will want to dive into this book. 

*  Why did you write Messy Beautiful Love and what do you hope it accomplishes?

I wrote it to encourage women in their marriages, and to remind them that they’re not alone on this journey. We all struggle in this life, and if we haven’t yet it’s inevitable that we will. That’s why it’s imperative that we equip ourselves by studying the gospel and keeping our marriage in prayer. Love is a beautiful thing, but the reality is that life is messy at times. When we live out our roles in marriage as God ordained them to be we discover joy and peace unlike anything else.

* How is Messy Beautiful Love different from other books on marriage and relationships?

Because I’ve been through a lot in my own marriage, I understand the importance of grace and forgiveness. I offer hope to women where hope would be otherwise lost. Can a broken marriage be repaired? Can a stale relationship be revived? Messy Beautiful Love answers those questions with a resounding “Yes!”

* Why is this book important and relevant in today’s culture?

What we’re seeing too often is a society that’s tossing marriage aside. This world is cynical when it comes to marriage, believing most won’t last. And those that do last? Well, surely one spouse or the other must be a miserable soul. That’s what we tend to see when we look at the standard this world has to offer.

God’s standard, on the other hand, is rich. He offers abundant life to those who are exercised by faith. We serve a God who’s the same yesterday, today and forever. The beauty of the marriage covenant hasn’t changed over time—our view of it has. Those who give up too soon are missing out on the blessings that come with staying the course.

* What do you believe is the largest contributor to today’s increasing divorce rates?

People often say that they’re unhappy because they’ve grown apart. I believe that couples will grow apart if they do  not love each other daily and deliberately. True love doesn’t happen by accident. It’s deliberate, it’s intentional, it’s purposeful, and in the end it’s always worth it. Some days love is messy and all we want to do is give up, but those who work through love together reap the benefits of beautiful long-lasting love.

* Why do you think it’s important for women and men to “remove the idea of divorce” from their minds?

First and foremost, we’re told in Malachi 2:16 that God hates divorce. It’s no surprise when we see the ripple effect that this division can bring. Families are deeply affected by the choices we make.

In some cases it’s necessary (and biblically acceptable) for a woman to leave her husband, but in many cases it’s not. It’s a choice to take the easiest road and the one most travelled.

The difficult road is paved with forgiveness and grace. It’s exercising patience with a difficult husband. It’s being kind to the unkind. It’s walking in humility for the good of your marriage.

A self-centered life offers a temporal high, but those who walk in humility discover a sense of joy and peace unlike anything else.

*  What is the main piece of advice you would give women in today’s world, who want to approach their marriage differently?

Women in today’s world are exposed to temptation on a constant basis. The Internet is a way of life for most people.

Our ancestors never experienced anything remotely close to what we are living with today. The outside world—along with its opinions, temptations, and distractions—has made its way into our homes.

I can’t tell you the number of times that women have confided in me about the struggles they’re facing online. It can mess with your mind when a seemingly perfect man (and I do mean seemingly) is paying attention to you, or waiting to chat.

We need to be on guard more than ever before, protecting our thoughts, our children, our faith, and our marriages.

* Who do you think will benefit most from Messy Beautiful Love, and why?

Women who are seeking more for their marriage will benefit most from my book. More than a story or simply feel-good information, Messy Beautiful Love challenges women to grow in love by putting Christ at the center of marriage.

I’m a cracked vessel held together by grace, whose deepest desire is to encourage you in your marriage. I don’t have it all figured out, and I doubt that I ever will, but I’m learning to lean on the One who does. I’m learning that when I follow His wisdom in lieu of my own, I’m walking in peace, and that peace floods into my marriage. 

* Your book is called, Messy Beautiful Love. Can you tell us why you chose that name?

We all have expectations when we’re stepping into marriage. And if you’re like most women, those expectations are high, but the reality is that life gets messy. Whether it’s financial problems, sickness, aging parents, or an unhappy spouse, sooner or later we’ll have a mess to clean up.

But when we surrender our relationship to God in obedience to His will, we experience the blessings of marriage as He intended.  That’s a beautiful thing.


Messy Beautiful Love is available here.  However, Darlene has been generous enough to give us a copy to give away to one of our readers.  See the rafflecopter entry form below to enter.  We will announce the winner on this Friday’s blog post. 

We are excited to see marriages be dramatically changed in exciting ways because of the incredible message of this book!

Joyfully,

Ginny

* We were provided with a free digital copy of the book for review purposes.  However, our opinions are entirely our own.

Join us Monday through Thursday on our Devotional Page as we study scripture and look into a new theme each month. September's theme is: What's Your Story? Each Friday one of the members of Deliberate Women will tie up that week's sub-theme with a blog post. 

For a long time I {Mandy} looked at the girl in the mirror with contempt. I was so angry at her for all of her mistakes. I'd made so many poor decisions and errors in judgment. 

"I'll never change." I told myself.

There was just too much. I'd done too many things wrong and made some enormous mistakes.

Some things I couldn't even pretend were mistakes...I'd knowingly made bad choices and was living the repercussions of that. 

I bit my lip in certain situations, when I was in certain circles. I'd gloss over certain parts of my past, careful to omit things that I "knew" would raise eyebrows.

For years I sat in church, led ministries even, while wearing a carefully crafted suit of armor, meticulously keeping all at arm's length for fear that they would reject me if they ever found out who I really was. 

I couldn't be a credible Christian if they knew, I told myself. 

Do you know how exhausting it is to live like that?

Do you know how defeating it is to look at yourself day after day and instead of seeing a new creation (2 Corinthians 5:17), I saw a woman weighed down by her past. I saw slumped shoulders, a down-turned face, and shame.

It took me several long years to come to terms with a simple reality: God loves me and forgave me the moment I asked. I no longer have to wear a countenance of defeat and guilt. 

My past--as riddled with poor decisions and sin as it was--didn't define me. 

It didn't define me. That was a hard truth. 

And as crazy as it seemed, I could look at others with similar or worse pasts and see them as a new creation, forgiven and made clean by the blood of Christ--but to offer myself the same was unthinkable.

But it's true. God tells us that we are no longer who we once were. The moment we come home and ask for His forgiveness, He offers it. 

Isn't that a beautiful Truth?

The same is true for you!

Do you feel weighed down by your past? Do you feel like God can't really use you because you're too damaged? You've made too many bad decisions? You've sinned too much? You're too far gone?

Please hear me when I say this: That's not the case at all. 

If God can use Paul...a man bent on destroying Christians, actually hunting them down to murder them, surely He can use you and me. 

You are not defined by your past...by anything you've done or anything that was done to you. You are defined by the way God looks at you. And God says:

So, raise up your chin, Sister. God tells you that you a daughter of The King! That is how you are defined!