"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God."  2 Corinthians 1:3-4

Happy Monday and as my husband says to his students "It's the best day because you have the whole week in front of you" Thanks for checking in with Deliberate women!

As my first official posting as a DW girl, I thought I would take this time to briefly introduce myself and share a little bit of my heart and why I am so excited to be a part of Deliberate Women.

My name is Mia Koehne and I am the newest blogging member of this group. I have been blogging for a while, but only recently have I become a Deliberate Blogger. As you get to know me and check in with my writing, I think what you may find is that my blog is actually kind of like my diary...random at times, raw, misspelled, passionate, opinionated, un-opinionated, joyful, happy, depressing, frustrating and hopefully encouraging.

My blogger account (aka, my diary), back in the day, was originally set to private and no one could see it until one day I thought I would dare to share it. I quickly realized that as I opened my heart through my blog, others who were struggling with the same things were encouraged and others that had been through the struggles I was going through were able to encourage me. We connected though the joys, the ups, the downs and basically the "Life" moments that we were all going though.

I love recording life, looking back on where I have been, the daily struggles I have gone through and most importantly seeing God in and through it all. I love the Lord Jesus, and remembering how He is constant in the joy and pain keeps my eyes fixed on Him and prepared for the journey ahead. Blogging, writing it all down, helps me to remember.

In addition to being a diary writer, I love to sing. I love to create music. I love to sing music that others have created. I just love music!

I love using hash-tags to make points or to be sarcastic #HashTagsAllowMeToSayWhatIamReallyThinking.

I love coffee, dark and robust (not Starbucks...sorry people), black with 1 teaspoon of sugar!

I enjoy chilling at home, I love the quiet, I love chaos. I love my kids, one of my dogs, but not the other one. I look at Facebook more than necessary. I love food, but hate to cook it. I like Netflix, I love my Bible and highlighters.

I am an introvert (oddly enough) and I get panic attacks when I'm in public, but I am never nervous before I perform (even when there were 30,000 teenagers in the Alamodome watching me speak).

As I write all this I think I may be a conundrum. I have even been know to enjoy giving myself new titles like conundrum. But the most joyous blessing, struggle and God victory in my life is my husband.

I have been a wife to Bob for over 20 years now (by the grace of God) and a stay at home Mom to three (pretty much adult) kids, Chris, Aaron & Miriam. And by stay at home, I simply mean that is where my heart is. Music and ministry take me all over...around the state and across the county. I love the years that God had me planted in the home while my babies were young and I cherish these years presently that He is sending me out to do music & ministry on the road.

One of the things that really struck me when I was first connected with DW was the message of taking off our masks, being real, being transparent and doing life together..... even the messy stuff. This is the cry of my heart, my writing, my speaking and my music. It just seemed like a perfect fit! As someone who spent a long time trying to keep up appearances and having walked through many trials to land at a place where I could finally and honestly say "I'm done wearing a mask, what you see is what you get", I can testify that I love the heart of this ministry.

I am so happy to connect, grow, learn, encourage and be encouraged by every single one of you! I'm glad to be a part of a community of women (you) that are ready (or will be soon) to dig in, tear off the masks, get real with each other and get real with the Lord. As we live in His forgiveness, grace and mercy, we together can encourage each other to live a life worthy of the calling. Women that are ready to be Deliberate!

Today, I just want you to know my name, in the months and Lord willing years to come, I want you to know my heart.....imperfect and flawed, but redeemed by the saving grace of Jesus Christ.

The reason I write, the reason I speak, the reason I sing is this: My desire is to live a SO THAT life. Knowing that God has brought me through many storms so that I could comfort others in theirs with the same comfort I received So that others can do the same in return. May we be that, may we be Deliberate Women together So That Others will be comforted in this thing called Life.

"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God." 2 Corinthians 1:3-4

Have you ever read a chapter in Proverbs a day? It’s actually a great way to get godly wisdom into your life on a daily basis, and it certainly isn’t hard to do.

As I (Alayna) read today’s chapter in Proverbs, two verses stuck out to me. From them, I have something for all of us wanna-be-godly wives and mothers to think about. Grab your bible and open to Proverbs 21, read verses 9 and 19. I’ll write them here for your convenience.

“It is better to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife.” Prov 21:9

“It is better to live in a desert land than with a quarrelsome and fretful woman.” Prov 21:19

Quarrelsome and fretful. Does that describe you? In case you aren’t sure, let’s dig into some word meanings.

Quarrelsome – adj. 1. Given to or characterized by quarreling
Synonyms – argumentative, disputatious, confrontational, pugnacious, combative, antagonistic, contentious, belligerent, cantankerous, choleric
Antonyms – peaceable

Fretful – adj. 1. Feeling or expressing distress or irritation
Synonyms – distressed, upset, miserable, unsettled, uneasy, edgy, agitated, worked up, stressed, irritable, bad-tempered, grumpy, crotchety, testy, cranky, crabby

Are you crabby, grumpy, irritated, cranky, and miserable with or toward your husband? Now we all have bad days, that much is true, but is this an everyday attitude? Or even a couple times a week? Or do you constantly argue and start quarrels with your husband? Are you belligerent, combative or antagonistic with him? If you answered yes to any of the above, I have some news for you… God says in Proverbs that your husband is better off living in your basement or on a desert land than to share a house with you.

Ouch, that smarts.

Sometimes we feel like they deserve the attitudes we give them, and perhaps that is true seldom or more often than not. Or maybe you feel like it’s their fault that you are in a cranky and agitated mood. But to make a marriage work well, grace and mercy are a much better choice to make than retribution and tit for tat.

Imagine if God gave us all that we deserve. We’d be in a heap of trouble. But that's the beauty of God's mercy and grace. 

I know I have my days where I’m bad tempered or grumpy, but it’s not really fair to my husband if I let out all of my grumpiness on him. And other times I’m prone to playing devil’s advocate, which can sometimes feel like I’m being combative by always taking the other side. We don’t really fight over much, but he has said before that sometimes it feels like I always want to disagree with him.

But I never want my husband to feel like he’d be better off in a desert than with me, so I work to make our home a peaceable place, and I strive to treat him with kindness and love. For those times when my husband may feel like I’m being a combative wife, open and honest communication is always the most important avenue to resolve our disputes. But honestly, my husband reassured me that the time that I’m the most cantankerous wife of all is when I ask him what I should wear, and do the exact opposite of what he advises…  ;)

If you find yourself to be a quarrelsome and fretful wife, ask God for help to change. Every interaction in marriage is a chance to make a choice. Start today to work toward being a peaceable wife, one who isn’t quick to start an argument or to be in a bad mood. Choose to fill yourself with God’s word, and His Holy Spirit, who gives us peace. When you are filled with good things and God’s peace, you can’t help but be a peaceable wife. 

I {Mandy} struggle with fear and anxiety. I have covered this at length on my personal blog Suburban Stereotype, but I am starting to realize that it is something many people struggle with. 

I have learned through scripture searches and Bible study that fear and anxiety can originate from a few different places: pride, focus on self, distraction, etc. But main origin is doubt. 

Fear really is a manifestation of our doubt that God will take care of us. 

We are fearful and anxious when we face the "what ifs" of life. We are fearful and anxious when we don't know what will happen or how it will affect us.

I came across this verse in Isaiah today and it was an amazing rebuttal from God in response to all of times I say, "but what if this happens, Lord...?" 

Isaiah 51: 12-14

"I, I'm the One comforting you.
What are you afraid of--or who?
Some man or woman who'll soon be dead?
Some poor wretch destined for dust?

You've forgotten me, God, who made you.
who unfurled the skies, who founded the earth.
And here you are quaking like an aspen
before the tantrums of a tyrant who thinks he can kick down the world.
But what will come of the tantrums?
The victims will be released before you know it.
They're not going to die.
They're not even going to go hungry.
For I am God, your very own God,
who stirs up the sea and whips up the waves,
named God-of-Angel-Armies.
I teach you how to talk, word by word,
and personally watch over you,
Even while I'm unfurling the skies, setting earth on solid foundations,
and greeting Zion:
'Welcome, my people!'"

So wake up! Rub the sleep from your eyes!
Up on your feet, Jerusalem!"

This was a real wake-up call for me! This is God saying, "Mandy, do you realize WHO I AM? Do you realize WHAT I AM CAPABLE OF?"

And the truth is: I do and I am, but I forget. 

I allow my doubt and my fear to take over and consume me. 

I focus so much on what I don't want to happen, what might happen, and what I'm afraid will happen, that I don't focus on who God is, what He is capable of, and the promises He's made to me.

I heard once that in order to be able to spot counterfeit money, instead of studying all the counterfeit bills, one must study the original so that when they encounter a counterfeit, there will be no mistaking it for genuine. 

Let's study the One and Only, Genuine God. 

Let's stop focusing so much time and energy focusing on what isn't and what may never even come to be.  

God said "The victims will be released before you know it. They're not going to die. They're not even going to go hungry."

I love this because God is saying those of us imprisoned by our own fears and anxieties will not only be set free, but we will be taken care of. 

And did you catch the verse that said, "...and personally watch over you"?

He cares about us. He wants what's best for us and we have to believe Him when He tells us that. 

It's so hard, I know. But I'm learning to trust in Him and what He tells me over what my fears tell me. 

Father, please be with all of us who struggle with fear. Please allow us to feel Your love and comfort all around us. Remind us that You are the God who stretched out the heavens, laid the foundations of the earth, who churns up the sea so that its waves roar. You tell us that You love us, You have plans for us, and that You are Mighty. Help us to rest in those Truths and not in our fears. In Jesus; precious name we pray, Amen.

(While the following post is directed mainly to parents, anyone can learn from the points made when dealing with children close to us)

This morning, my youngest and I [Ginny] were the only ones awake. Therefore, she and I got the opportunity to hangout together while everyone else was sleeping.

She stood by my side as I brushed my teeth, put in my contacts and prepped for the day. As I was brushing my hair, I noticed her watching me closely out of the corner of my eye. She was impersonating the expression I made while brushing my hair. Realizing I was making a face that screamed with dissatisfaction at my appearance, I smiled at my reflection, and she began to smile.

At that very moment, she was learning how to look at her own reflection in the mirror.

I was modeling it for her.

It reminded me of another lesson my husband and I learned just the week prior. The kids were playing in the other room, and suddenly, we heard them saying some not so nice things to each other in really mean tones that turned into yelling. We told them that they needed to use kind words with each other.

But no sooner were those words out of my mouth when I realized that the way they were speaking to each other was exactly like we spoke to them when we were upset.

That was such a humbling moment for us, and we knew that we needed to make a change ASAP to how we reacted in frustration and anger to our kids. We began to watch our tone and volume and use kinder words.

Within a couple of days, our kids started changing in how they spoke to one another. It was incredible and encouraged us to continue the changes we made.

When Christ was on the Earth, He lived a life that modeled for us how to react to different kinds of people (good and wicked), how to respond to temptation, how to speak kindly to others, how to forgive, and even how to pray. He was the perfect role model.

And while we are not perfect like Jesus, we do not have an excuse to be lazy when it comes to how we live our lives in front of our children.

Each and everyday, our kids are learning, and I'm not talking about the ABC's, numbers, or how to read.

They are learning how:

- to have a deep and meaningful relationship with God
- to be generous and kind to all
- to view themselves
- to interact with others
- to manage anger and frustration
- to show respect for others
- to be a spouse
- to keep a home
- to manage money
- how to prioritize
...and the list continues.

Questions we need to ask ourselves are:

Am I living the kind of life that I want my child to live as they grow older? 

Am I glorifying God with the example I am setting for my children?

Even though your children's personalities are different and varied, we often return to our roots and things that we did in our families. Chances are high your child will parent similarly to you. She will view her body and receive (or put down) compliments like you. Her music tastes will have a foundation that began with what you listen to. Her anger management skills (or lack of them) will look very much like yours. A son will treat his wife like he sees your husband treat you. His language (clean or filthy) will mirror yours. He will have a stronger chance at having a close relationship with God if they see you not only model quiet time but seeking God in every decision and running to God when we are afraid.

Therefore, I encourage you to examine your life right now. If you don't want your child turning out like you, ask yourself WHY. Start looking at those areas you would like to change, and I encourage you to make the changes you need to make in order to model the skills you want your children to have.

Some changes (like anger management and financial responsibility) are difficult to make because they are deep and ingrained. I encourage you to find a class, a therapist, or enlist the help of a friend or spouse.  They can keep you accountable, help you know how to change and encourage you to keep making the change.

Which areas would you like to see change in your life? Share in the comments below so we know how to pray for you as you choose to make a better future for your children!

Ginny is a child of God, wife to an amazing husband, and adoptive mother to two sweet little girls. When she isn't having dance parties with her kids, going on crazy adventures with her youngest, or singing at the top of her lungs to Disney soundtracks, she enjoys a good chai from Starbucks, watches Downton Abbey, and gets giddy over discovering new yummy paleo recipes. You will also find her sharing her joy moments and faith at her personal ministry blog at Joy from Grace.