Allow Your History To Become His Legacy

Today's blog post finishes up this week's Devotional: What's Your Story? Allowing Our History to Become His Legacy. Click HERE to start at the beginning. 

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As I {Mandy} listened to her speak--hanging on her every word--what she was saying was burning a hole in my heart. Her eloquence and mastery of scripture was beyond impressive. You could almost feel the flames of her passion.

I wanted what she had. I wanted to speak my heart to others and have them want to run to God in response, the way this woman was making myself and the others in the crowd feel.

But I couldn't. I was neither as eloquent nor as close to God as this woman obviously was. Her Bible was falling apart because she studied it so much. God's Word just rolled off her tongue. She spoke with confidence of things I barely knew a thing about. 

I wanted to do what this woman was doing and have a relationship with God like she did, but it just wasn't meant to be, I decided. I had nothing to say and no one who'd want to hear it. 

Those are the thoughts that bounced around inside my head several years ago. I had a stirring in my heart to speak boldly for God and to share with others, so that they would find their way to God. But I felt inadequate. And the truth was--I was inadequate. Horribly inadequate, in fact.

For starters, I wanted to do what I wanted to do. I wanted to be close to God, but I wasn't actively pursuing a relationship with Him by being in His Word and praying daily. I wanted to reach women with my story, but only with the cleaned-up version of it...saving the really embarrassing stuff for only a select few. 

I put that dream on hold and God worked on me over the past decade. He carried me and brought me through some very dark valleys and celebrated with me on some amazing peaks. All the while, preparing my heart to say, "Whatever You want, Lord, I will do."

It's been a stunning journey so far. I still have that desire in my heart to be like this woman that I saw speak so many years ago, but instead of wanting to emulate her, I want to emulate Christ. Instead of wanting only to present the stage-ready version of myself, God is preparing me to share all of me, who I really am. And, more importantly, who God really is and how He has brought me to where I am. 

My past does not have to be hidden or swept under the rug. Choices I've made and sins I've committed are forgiven and don't have to be concealed. When I shroud my past, especially the less-than-stellar parts of it, I paint an incomplete picture. My desire is to maintain "credibility" instead of showing God's grace and redemption. 

I was confused for so long that being a Christian meant being perfect, or darn close. I realize now that being a Christian means being forgiven. It means following Christ. It means laying down my pride and taking up my cross.

Our crosses all look different, but the driving force behind each of us taking ours up is the same: we honor and glorify the Lord when we show His strength in our weakness.

Maybe your heart's desire isn't to become a speaker. Maybe it isn't to be a writer stirring the hearts of women with words. Whatever it is, you can rest assured it will be using who you are and all parts of your life-- past and present--to paint a beautiful picture of God's Grace.  

Allow your history to become His legacy.