HEART SISTERS BOOK CLUB: CHAPTER 8

If you're just joining us for the Heart Sisters: Be the Friend You Want to Have (by Natalie Chambers Snapp) Book Club, click HERE to begin at Chapter 1.

TOMORROW'S HEART SISTERS; Teaching Our Daughters to be Good Friends.

Chapter eight opens up with a thought from Natalie that made my knees knock...

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"...girls learn how to navigate relationships by watching how their mothers navigate their own." (p. 125-126)

Did any other mothers of girls just find their heart in their throat? 

Seriously, what a humbling and terrifying concept to take in, considering navigating relationship is HARD, HARD work!

"...we mothers of daughters have the power to guide our girls and show them how to navigate life in the world of women--one girl at a time." (p 127)

Natalie poses the question of what kind of girls would we like our daughters to have in their lives. Do we want them to have friends who talk about them behind their backs or do we want them to spend time with girls who are willing to say "I'm sorry" when necessary? I know what I wish for my daughters. I wish for them women who will choose to give them the benefit of the doubt, not offend easily, say I'm sorry when necessary, and--most importantly--point them toward Jesus. 

Natalie tells us that we, as mothers,  can influence our daughters' decisions when it comes to friends. I believe that and it actually terrifies me a bit.  I feel very convicted. I started looking at my own friendships and the drama I have faced, just this week alone. I read Natalie's suggestions on how to get started in being a good role model for our daughters in the way of healthy friendships. Here are her suggestions:

• Learn how to be a healthy friend yourself: Welcome others,  Ask Questions, Talk with words that build up, not tear down, Choose friends wisely, Have grace, Integrate healthy boundaries, Tell the truth but speak it with love.
• Die to self
• Be intentional with talking about your own friendships
• Connect with your daughter on the heart level

One by one, I had to check myself and see if I have been following these guidelines. Was I a "mean girl" like Natalie talked about? Was I someone who targeted people out of jealousy or insecurity? I certainly don't want my daughter to become someone like that, and I have definitely been the victim of such activity, so I want to be careful how I speak about and treat others, both in private and in the company of my daughter. While the movie starring Lindsay Lohan was a funny tongue-in-cheek look at how many women treat other women, the truth is, being targeted is a terrible feeling. 

So what do we do should our daughter encounter a "mean girl"? How can we guide our daughters to be the kinds of girls who treat others well and are secure in who they are? And what do we do if/when our daughters encounter a "mean girl"? Natalie offers some practical advice. Our daughter should...

• Know where they obtain their identity
• Have a mother who talks through the hard stuff without judgment and criticism.
• Talk through a plan of what to do when a mean girl attacks
• Know when it's time to talk to school personnel or parents

It's hard work, but we must focus on being diligent in training up our daughters to have and maintain healthy relationsships. Natalie closes out this chapter with some thought-provoking questions that will force us to look a little deeper at our own relationships:

1. What kind of friends do you want your daughter to have?
2. What do you want your daughter to know about healthy friendship?
3. Which part of the W.A.T.C.H. I.T. acronym is the biggest challenge for you? Why?
4. Have you ever had an experoence with a Queen Bee? Were you ever a Queen Bee, a Worker Bee, or a Wannabe?
5. How can you connect with your daughter on a heart level? Do you know what communicates love to her?

Join us Tuesday, June 30, 2015 for Chapter Nine.


Written by Mandy.