heart sisters book club: chapter 6

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?'' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others." ~Marianne Williamson

If you are just joining us for the Heart Sisters: Be the Friend You Want to Have Book Club (book by Natalie Chambers Snapp), please click HERE to begin at Chapter One.

Chapter six of Natalie's book is about setting up boundaries and what boundaries are and are not. It's a meaty chapter that addresses some touchy subjects.

Natalie opens by discussing how boundaries are necessary and good for us. For one, we need to set them for ourselves in order to protect our hearts and our families. Boundaries--often looked at as a "dirty" word--are healthy, Natalie shares. And a must for maintaining sanity and for being able to give our families our best. 

For setting holy boundaries, Natalie suggests the following: 

• Define the line so we know when it's been crossed.
• Maintain our roots in Him.
• Communicate healthy expectations in relationships
• Choose not to be overscheduled.
• Take care of ourselves.
• Discern appropriate behavior.
• Speak the truth in love. 

After expounding a bit on each point, Natalie goes on to explain that setting holy boundaries is not:

• unkind
• un-Christian
• ungrateful
• unhealthy

So often, we get caught up in believing that when others set boundaries to protect their hearts and to make sure they are centered in who God says they are and in doing what God has called them to do, rather than what everyone else wants them to do, we can feel negatively toward the person setting boundaries. Natalie beautiful uses scripture to underscore why setting boundaries is vital to our own health and to maintaining healthy relationships.

Sometimes, however, we will most likely come across an unhealthy relationship that requires we lay down some ground rules. Natalie shares how to recognize when a relationship necessitates boundaries:

• The offender repeatedly mistreats you and makes indirect , biting remarks so they don't seem so bad, but their intent is to take you down a bit (Covert Aggression).
• There is an obvious lack of humility when you attempt to talk about your own hurt with her. 
• She repeatedly spins the issue so you leave the conversation feeling that it's you in the wrong and never her. 
• You notice you're consistently feeling being beaten down rather than built up when you leave her company. 
• She doesn't have your best interest at heart--just her own. She has an "all about me" mindset. 

So, now that it's been established that setting boundaries is critical to healthy relationships, Natalie talks about inconsistent boundaries and how they can damage friendships and muddy the waters. For example, having no boundaries at all, not communicating boundaries to others, having inconsistent boundaries, inflexible boundaries, and inappropriate boundaries are all recipes for trouble.

To sum up the chapter, Natalie poses the following questions. Take some time to read and reflect on each, seeing how they may apply to you:

1. What do you first think of when you hear the word boundaries?
2. What is your biggest challenge with establishing boundaries?
3. Are there any areas of your life that need boundaries? How can you establish them?
4. How do you think boundaries can decrease stress?
5. What are your thoughts about soul ties?

Join us next week on Tuesday, June 23, 2015 for Chapter 7.