I (Lindsey) am finally back from pregnancy/maternity leave and I’m excited to see what this next year has in store. The end of last year brought me a handsome little blessing to love on. The topic I’m addressing today is one I’ve never written on before, mostly because I don't like calling people to action when I'm in not in a place to do so in the same way. Unfortunately, I think this may be part of the problem and possibly the number one reason why the problem continues. (So that is my disclaimer.) Let me also say that there are many ways in which I or others like me are capable of serving, sometimes we just need others to speak their needs so we can know how to best help. Sadly, none of us are mind-readers, so let’s give open and honest communication a try. I am a young mama of 4 pretty awesome kids, but some days (today being one of those days), my patience and nerves are worn thin. My kids suffer the consequences of mommy’s tried patience, my marriage suffers the consequences of my tried patience, and the person who I am-- beyond being a mom-- suffers as well. We, the moms of small children, are in desperate need of respite. Whether our children are typical, functioning children or a family who is challenged with obstacles uncommon to all children, we need help. We won't often voice this need, as we don’t always feel capable of “returning the favor,” but we desperately need relief. I was interested to find that while the modern-day definition of respite is temporary relief from an unpleasant or difficult task, its root Latin definition stemmed from the word respect. In today’s day and age we often encounter so little respect for the task of motherhood. Sometimes women who aren’t working outside the home are asked what they “do all day.” Women who do work outside the home are often condemned as abandoning or neglecting their children’s needs. From some in society’s viewpoint, the task of motherhood often seems to be one of the most criticized jobs in the world: People who have never done it can do it better. Women who are living it day-in-and-day-out judge other women who don’t do it the same. No wonder we never ask for help! What in the world would happen if we admitted that the never-ending task of motherhood requires help and community? How would we look if we admitted we couldn’t do it all? Yet again, we come upon a foreign concept. Not only is motherhood no longer a respectable title (in some opinions), but we have also strayed so far from community that the camaraderie, and respite that is needed to do this job well is a distant dream. Gone are the days when generations lived together and the old and the young worked as one to keep family glued together. Job opportunities, different family structures, etc have made the old-school traditional village of blood family members impractical in many situations. However, we have been given a “new” family. We as a church have a responsibility to one another to be that village. We have the opportunity to serve one another as Christ served the world. And here is where I step outside of my comfort zone. I’m one who hates asking for help, especially when the help I’m asking for is help that I can’t reciprocate in the same form. However, I've come to the realization that we can’t read one another's minds so I better just express my need. Today, I am calling upon the elder women of the Church. I call to the women who have “been there, done that,” and have survived the challenges and struggles that involve mothering small children. We, the younger women, desperately need you! We need your expertise and advice. We need your consoling and assurance. We need your thoughts and intentional prayers. Most of all, we need your help. We ask you to do the job that our mothers and grandmothers and great grandmothers were once purposed to do. We ask for you to sweep in and sweep us off our feet. We dream of someone making our children a meal when we are lying on the couch sick, exhausted, and struggling to figure out how we’ll manage to provide anything other than dry cereal on the coffee table. We implore you to offer babysitting for an hour while we run out for the groceries our family desperately needs, but we can’t manage to remember with little people tagging along [Read: pulling things off the shelves]. We ask you to offer up an evening of free-time so that we can reconnect with our husbands and salvage the mess that is marriage in this hectic, crazy, and sticky-finger-filled world. We desperately need you, but we won’t often tell you that.--or even know how. Titus 2:3-5 says this, “Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. They can urge the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husband, so that no one will malign the word of God.” We are called to build relationships with one another.,We are called to teach, urge, and support each other. God very specifically designates the older women of the church as supporters of the younger women in these particular verses. This means the more experienced women of the church are needed. You {the experienced women} have a place and we really do need you even if we don’t ask. I also believe that young moms have a part in this. Sometimes it's really hard to ask for help, to admit to needing helping, or to accept help when it's offered. It can be very difficult to be the receiver instead of the giver. These verses tell us that when we don’t ask or we don’t choose to receive the gifts others are willing to offer we are depriving someone else of being able to give. It's time that we start communicating with one another instead of assuming that others can read our minds. In this way, maybe we will stop getting in the way of God’s divinely appointed relationships and instead will start seeing the benefits of Godly women helping each other with gracious and merciful hearts. Have you been there, ladies? Have you struggled and wished someone would reach out to lend a hand or mentor you? Seasoned women, do you reach out to the younger women in the church? Chime in!
3 Comments
Emilie
4/28/2015 03:48:43 am
I am there now ! As a sham of a 4 yr old with a busy/working husband, to many pets and expecting my new bundle of joy by tomorrow (or I get induced). I struggle with asking for help ther than from family and have become very disappointed and somewhat bitter that nobody is willing to help me other than my mom (very little). How do I become brave enough to ask a friend to come clean so I can rest ?!
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5/11/2015 01:44:09 am
Emillie, sorry it has taken me a bit to get back to you. An out of town weekend and getting hit with illness wiped me out for a while. First off it is good to know we aren't alone isn't it? Second, I struggle here too. Such a difficult thing to ask for help. I wrote in my blog that connects to this subject about the need for Titus 2 ministries in the church so that no one needs to even personally ask/offer you just join. At the same time sometimes it is necessary to ask. My suggestion would be to think about some of the older moms in your church or that you know locally and ask them to begin an intentional relationship with you. From Godly advice to parenting hacks, let them know you have a desire to glean from their experience. I think it is much easier to ask for help from those we have a relationship with. Hope this helps and you will be in my prayers tired mama.
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Missy
6/2/2015 10:48:30 am
My sweet girl! I wish I was there for you!!💙💙💙
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