WHAT'S YOUR STORY?: LINDSEY's STORY

Lindsey's Story

September's Devotional theme has been "What's Your Story? on the Deliberate Women Devotional page. This month we have taken a closer look at several people in the Bible and discussed how their lives --in all their messiness-- were used to glorify God. This past week, 3 Deliberate Women ladies shared their personal stories. Ginny, Mia, and Mandy shared on the Devotional Page, and today, hear Lindsey's story. 

What’s my story? Such a loaded question for anyone on the receiving end of that particular question. So much life has occurred in the past 26 years. Life that has been fulfilling and rewarding, life that has been heartbreaking and troubling. Love, loss, and new life. Times of steadfast faith and times of turning away. So where to begin, what part of my story needs to be heard most?

I {Lindsey} could tell you of some troubling teen years. Years where relationships with Christians were less than what they should have been. How these relationships as well as an unfortunate experience with a “Christian” missions organization left me broken, confused, and searching for non-hypocritical and honest relationships out in the world. I can tell you of how far I strayed from the good Christian girl I had always been. Attending high school parties, getting physically involved with boys who had done nothing to deserve those parts of me, and leaving behind some of the few true Christian friends I had in my corner.

I can tell you of my somewhat recovered late teens and early 20’s where I realized the road I was taking was leading to more destruction. Years where I went back to attending church all be it inconsistently. Years in which I struggled keep the word divorce from leaving my mouth every time I fought with my brand new husband. I can tell you of a full year of watching the man I married-- who had been raised in a Christian home-- tell me that he no longer believed in God. A year where I struggled to figure out how to remain loving and supportive and allow my husband to lead myself and our one (soon-to-be-two children) despite the fact that I was having to be the spiritual leader of our family. During this time my trust was in the Lord, but my faith was so weakened due to the years that I had neglected it that God still so often felt far away.

I can tell you of recent years where, despite circumstance of turmoil that far surpassed many of those rough times I faced in the past, I have fallen so in love with the incredible Savior I am blessed to call friend. People in my life who should be here for me have chosen to no longer actively participate in my life. My family suffered the loss of two babies, one of which I carried in my womb for 4 months. My marriage went through some very turbulent waters. My health failed me for almost a year as I went from illness to illness. I suffered a horrible case of poison oak over 90% of my body shortly after my just-over-a-year owned house had five rooms flood and my family wound up in a hotel for two months. That year I felt like Job. I lost two babies, temporarily lost my home, my body was inflicted with sores all over that made me want to be medically sedated for three weeks, and my husband and I were stuck in two rooms with three children ages 5, 3, and 2 with no escape and very strained finances due to having to eat out, repair a car, etc, etc. Every time we thought things couldn’t get worse, they did.

Yet, I am going to tell you that during that time, a time much worse than any I had ever experienced before, my relationship with Jesus continued to grow and to be strengthened. God continued to put on my heart a desire for ministry. He opened my eyes to an understanding that my past is not much different from many others. He showed me that young men and women desperately need mentorship and that they are incapable of being that for each other in the trying times of high school. They need an older and more maturely grounded faith to help them develop an understanding of the kind of relationships God has called us to. My heart was softened once again to the possibility of an over seas missions experience and I have plans to go with my church in two summers when they return to Romania. My husband and I are beginning to work together in a better way. We are beginning to give each other the benefit of the doubt more often and to support one another as we move through life together. 

How can this be? How can so much good have come from such a horrible series of events? The only explanation I have for you is the Grace of God. My life is not perfect, my days are still filled with messes: Messy children, messy marriage, messy house (there is literally cous cous all over my coffee table and living room floor right now). My messy life is filled with chaos. However, I serve a peaceful and peace-giving God. Through these crazy messes that life has brought I had no other choice but rest fully in the arms of Jesus and to realize that this "Big Picture" God I serve has a plan for me even when I cannot see or even fathom what that plan might be. This week, remember that your messy, crazy, chaotic life has a purpose too because in your weakness He is strong.

2 Corinthians 12:9-11 Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so  that the power of Christ can work through me. That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong.