STEALING MY SHOW

First off, so sorry this is late. By the time I {Lindsey} realized that yesterday was Monday It was about 10:15 pm after a day of traveling 5 hrs back home, then getting home so my husband could change for work, taking him to work and
then shopping at 4 different stores with 3 very grumpy children. 

I was exhausted, and an attempt at writing last night would have ended with a piece that was confusing and strewn with grammatical errors (as I am still feeling exhausted, I'm hoping I'm not going to still be dealing with the latter). So anyway those are my excuses for my tardiness and once again I'm so sorry to have delayed your reading enjoyment. 

I've known what it is I was going to write about for a while now. For those who aren't familiar with our devotional tab I urge you to check it out, and for those who are, you will be aware that I have been on about a 4 week break that I am hoping to end this Thursday. My reasoning for said break was stated as dealing with a loss in our family. On this site I didn't give much details for that and before I embark in our next chapter I feel that the story I have to share is one that someone out there needs to hear.

I have detailed aspects of this loss on my personal blog and have already seen God touch the lives of many women through the sharing of a personal tragedy and it is my hope that even more women can know that their hurt is not in vain. My first post regarding this situation on my personal blog was entitled Not What I Was Expecting, and all too often life throws us situations that we weren't expecting. God, however, knows what He is doing even in the midst of tragedy and He promises us this,  Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope."

One month ago yesterday after almost 2 weeks since our realization I went into my doctors outpatient surgical wing to have a procedure performed that removed my dead baby from my womb. We had discovered at almost 15 weeks along that despite any warning signs my baby no longer had a heart beat. My 3 living babies were with me at that doctors appointment and my husband came from work as quickly as he could. It was a realization that I nor my team of doctors was expecting. I've had 3 healthy pregnancies previously, experienced no spotting until 5 days after we found out, my labs had been great with no extreme drops or surges in hormone levels, etc. Yet here we are at the day before my 16th week of pregnancy having to go in for surgery.

It was a trying time physically and mentally, but through it all God had a plan. In many ways when I look back on the week leading up to our finding out I am already so amazed at how God works. First on the Sunday before my Pastor gave an awesome lesson on having to know the heart of God through the study of the bible before we can begin to understand the heart of God when it comes to his specific will for our own lives. While not perfect by any means, the past 7 months of writing the DW devotional have been some of my most in tune months with God and His will for my life. Next, just hours before my appointment I had been talking with Mandy Pagano another DW writer about a couple of songs that had really been convicting me. The first is called Revival song and is all about how revival in our world starts with revival in our hearts, with being willing to worship God in the here and now and follow His will not our own into the mission field. From there we moved quite easily into discussion of Toby Macs song "Steal my Show". I told her it wasn't until the millionth time plus one more of singing away that I really realized the impact of one of the last verses he sings. He starts off the last chorus by saying "No matter who we are, no matter what we do, every day we can choose to say" then he goes into the chorus and finishes off by saying "My life, my friends, my heart, its all yours, God take it away, my dreams, my fears, my family, my career, take it away, its all yours, God take it away, take it away, its you I wanna live for."

There is a whole lot of meaning crammed into that last little bit. I told Mandy how I really had to stop and think about if I was believing what I was singing. That is one really good thing I took away from my teen church choir experience. I often remember our director urging us to remember to listen to the words we are singing. The songs we sing to and in Jesus name aren't just a bunch of words strung together, instead they are an act of worship, they are a commitment to God and I have realized it is best to really be sure you are on board with the commitment before you continue singing. I told of how after really contemplating and praying about the song I decided I would go back to singing along with Toby Mac every chance I got and how I would use that song to worship with meaning.

I hung up from my conversation with Mandy regarding this topic and immediately put shoes on my kids to head out the door for my OB appointment where I was faced with 1 of 2 options. The first being to curse God, to be angry that this would happen to me, to feel abandoned and undone. The second being to live the two songs we had been discussing. I want to see revival in this world, I want to see women brought to the feet of Jesus and I know full well that what I have to say is nothing compared to what God has to say. So that day I had to choose to either hold on to things of this world or to cling to heavenly things and let Jesus steal my show. While it hasn't always been easy, God had been preparing my heart for weeks to say "Steal my show", to offer up my life and my family as a living sacrifice to the only one who can create a revival out of a tragedy.

Throughout the past few weeks, I have seen just that. I have had women message or email me about their own miscarriages, the loneliness they felt. I even just this past weekend got to meet in person a woman who I didn't know, a woman who wasn't originally suppose to be joining us, a woman who had a similar story to share and who happened to see my blog post. It was only because I had allowed God to steal my show instead of dwelling in the land of if only's and not fair's that her life could be touched. I am not an extraordinary woman, my story is not that much different from many. I am not the first to experience a miscarriage or loss, I'm not the first to do it while having to continue caring for 3 children. The only difference between my ordinary life that has been littered with tragedy and that of so many other women is that I have allowed God to take my life and my tragedy and turn it into a message of His love.  Revival starts right here, right now, in the normal everyday mess of life. It starts when ordinary women choose to take the position that God gave them to play and to play it well. When we allow God to position us and trust that the plays he calls will bring us to victory we will have all of the tools we need to revive our generations and our world.

Father God, we ask for revival in our own hearts. Bring us to our knees that we might see how far willingness to serve you no matter what the situation is can go. We ask for the wisdom to not be discourage by what, to us, looks like mundane roles and every day life. Instead Lord inspire us to play our positions and trust that you are a big picture God. Lord we often won't know the impact our lives have, but we thank you for those times where you give us a glimpse. Allow us to wake up every morning and say to you, "Steal my Show". We also ask that beyond just saying it that you give us the opportunity and the strength to live it. In your precious name Jesus we pray, Amen.

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