ALone in infertility

I've {Vickibeth} struggled about writing on this topic...I'm 26. I've been married for just over 2 years. We have barely talked about starting a family. I hesitate to talk about this painful subject because I can't relate, not really. But God kept pressing this on my heart, so I want to talk about this difficult topic, not from a "I can relate" position, but from a "I love and care about you, and the sadness in your heart makes my heart hurt" position. I absolutely will not pretend like I have the answers or even a good handle on the many different situations surrounding infertility, but I do know without a doubt these two things: 1. YOU ARE NOT ALONE IN THIS STRUGGLE and 2. YOU HAVE A HEAVENLY FATHER WHO IS WALKING THROUGH THIS TRIAL WITH YOU.

 First of all, you truly aren't alone through this struggle. I say that through personal experience with the many friends I have struggling, and I say it through clinical documentation. See, I work for a company that deals solely with women's health, specifically infertility. Did you know that 1 in 6 couples in the US are struggling right now to conceive? Did you catch that!? 1 in 6. That's a crazy number. It also means that in a group of 100 couples, 17 of those couples are struggling right now. You are literally walking the church hallways, the work cafeteria line, the park sidewalk with women who are struggling right now the exact same way you are. You aren't the only couple in your town or church, probably not even in your extended family! 

Because of where I work, I have many friends confide in me about their struggle. It's shocking how many couples are having difficulty conceiving. And you know what they all tell me? “I am so alone in this.” “I don’t know anyone else who is struggling like we are to build our family.” “Noone knows how painful this is.” It breaks my heart to see the pain that these women try to hide because for some reason, we have allowed the topic of infertility to be “hush hush” in our circles and these incredible women are left feeling alone, wallowing in pain that seems unbearable each month when the pregnancy test is negative….again…for the 46th month in a row. That’s a deep pain that many women have never known.

 But, as in every difficult circumstance, there is Someone who does understand your pain, who does see the tears shed in secret. God promises to never forsake us. He is with us in every moment of every day—the fun, joyful moments, and the faith-shaking, painful moments. God knows when you’re emotionally deplete and all you can do is the “ugly cry.” He knows the days that you wake up with big puffy eyes because you cried for hours the night before because you did not conceive this month...again. He knows. Jeremy Camp sings an incredible song that speaks so perfectly to this truth. Please take a minute and listen to this song, I’m telling ya, it’s perfect.  He Knows-Jeremy Camp

 Psalms 56:8 “You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book.”

 There’s not a tear that escapes your eye that God doesn’t see and care about. I cry a lot. I’m very emotional J I find incredible comfort in this verse. My tears aren’t “silly” to my God. His heart hurts when we hurt.

2 Corinthians 12:9-10 “But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.  That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

 Infertility is a difficult, painful journey, but take comfort, dear friend, that God will give you the grace and strength to press on. Paul endured so well all of the trials he faced. That wasn’t because he was a super human who had these crazy skills that you and I are just too common to possess! Rather, he endured well because his faith and focus were on Christ. If you can keep Christ at the center of your life, even through this painful journey, I believe wholeheartedly, that your faith will be stronger.

I Peter 6-7 “In this you greatly rejoice, even though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been distressed by various [a]trials, 7 so that the [b]proof of your faith, being more precious than gold which [c]is perishable, even though tested by fire, may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ;”

 I want to encourage those who just want to be called “Momma.” Those who cry the whole way home from every single baby shower attended. Being a mother is such a beautiful, honorable, Biblical desire, and I don’t know why God isn’t granting your prayers for a child. I can’t help but think of Hannah. The Bible says she prayed for a child “year after year.” She had to have been emotionally exhausted by this long struggle, but she believed that God could answer her prayers, so she continued to pray. She believed that God hadn’t forgotten about her. She knew she wasn’t alone. And you aren’t alone either! Not physically, not spiritually. Can I encourage you to talk to someone if you are struggling with this issue? Maybe an older woman in your church? Maybe a woman in your bible study group who doesn’t have children either? Having a “friend” through this struggle certainly won’t make it painless, but I think it will definitely encourage you. We all need a praying friend!

Maybe you aren’t struggling, or didn’t struggle, to have a family, can I encourage you to pray for the women around you who are? Whether you know them by name or not, whether you know their diagnosis or not, whether you know the details or not…1 in 6. That means there’s absolutely someone in your circle of friends and family. Would you join me in prayer for these dear women who are literally all around us?

Father, today I lift up to you the many women who are in my personal circle who are struggling to conceive. You know their hearts desire, and for an unknown reason, you are not granting their request right now. I pray that you would give them peace and comfort on this journey. I pray that you would show them your love clearly and vividly. I pray that you would send women to speak words of truth and comfort into their lives to remind them that they are not alone. I know that you can heal all diagnoses. I ask you to work in these women’s bodies, and if it be your will, that you would grant these dear women the desire of their heart, to be a mommy. I ask this, believing that you absolutely can touch these wombs and allow these women to conceive. I thank you that you are good, no matter the circumstances. Give us peace as we strive to serve you even on the hard days. Thank you for loving us. Amen.

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