A FOCUS ON THE WRONG HEART

A while back I {Lindsey} was discussing with some of my sisters in Christ how to address an issue with someone we care about when it pertains to someone they care about. The thought process went something along the lines of this...

1. The person who wanted to address a loved one is a Christian actively seeking Christ
2. The person to be addressed is a Christian who has always seemed to be seeking Christ
3. The person that number 2 loves and number 1 thinks is not in a place with Christ where he/she should be in order to be pursuing a relationship with number 2

Ok, so I know it seems a bit confusing, but I think this is a message that a lot of number 1's and number 2's need to hear.

The more we began to delve into this topic the more I saw the correlation between what this friend was dealing with and my very own marriage. My husband and I have had some beautiful memories over the years, but we have also had some pretty rocky beginnings. There was a time, about 2 1/2 years after we married, as my husband returned from Iraq, that he informed me he believed in a creator, but he didn't believe in God the way we had come to know him growing up. I was devastated. I angrily questioned God saying, "I did the right thing... I married a Christian man who grew up in a Christian family... Why is this happening?" 


As years have gone by, the distance from that year which was trying in many ways and horrible in others, yet wonderful in a million more, has granted me a perspective I couldn't see before. I was focused on the wrong heart. Sure, my husband needed a lot of work in the faith and spirituality department. He had essentially denounced everything we'd ever grown to believe. But why was this happening to me? Well, that answer could only be found in my own heart. 

Proverbs is strewn with heart references, a few that spoke to me in this situation are:

---

Proverbs 17:3 "Fire tests the purity of silver and gold, but the Lord tests the heart"

Proverbs 20:5 "Though good advice lies deep within the heart, a person with understanding will draw it out."

Proverbs 21:2 "People may be right in their own eyes, but the Lord examines their heart."

Proverbs 23:19 "My child, listen and be wise: Keep your heart on the right course."

Proverbs 23:26 "O my son, give me your heart. May your eyes take delight in following my ways."

Proverbs 27:19 "As a face is reflected in water, so the heart reflects the real person."

Well aren't those verses convicting?  I haven't even shared what I found to be one of the most convicting verses for just this situation. Proverbs 24:11-12 says this,

Rescue those who are unjustly sentenced to die;
    save them as they stagger to their death.
Don’t excuse yourself by saying, “Look, we didn’t know.”
    For God understands all hearts, and he sees you.
He who guards your soul knows you knew.
    He will repay all people as their actions deserve.

I was person number 2. I was that kind person who loved Jesus and was "seeking Him" by going to church, talking about how I loved Jesus, particpating in church activities, etc, etc. While yes, much of this was very true when my husband came to me with his "revelation" about God, my heart was far from the heart of Christ when we first married and for much of our first year of marriage. I had missed--no not missed-- I had ignored the signs. I didn't see my husband's weak faith because I was overlooking my own. 

I hadn't allowed myself to be purified by God's Holy and refining fire. I lacked the Godly understanding that is needed to discern whether or not a person is in communion with God. In my eyes, I had it all together. I had recovered from an adolescent spiritual battle brought on by mental and emotional trauma and I was sure I was fixed, but God saw my heart. I was not pursuing God's Word daily, so I had no opportunity to listen and be wise, to hear His counsel and stay on course. There I stood asking how did this happen, and as the years have passed God has slowly taught me that my focus was on how I missed the flaws in my husband's heart when I should have been looking at my own.

I had the tools before me, I knew how to live life like Christ and yet I ignored my own heart. As my husband spent a year in spiritual death while he learned how to make his faith his own, God grew me. As I focused on how my husband hid this huge flaw, God began to mold and shape me. He purified and sanctified me through His refining fire. Boy, did it burn sometimes. As time has passed, He has convicted me that it's only by His grace that Proverbs 24:11-12 is not how I will be judged. That my shouts of anguish about how I did everything right are the same shouts that the people of Proverbs 24 used when they claimed "we did not know." God looks at the heart and He can see the lost, He can see the saved, and He can see those who choose to sit idly unprepared while the world around them and the people they love most are unjustly sentenced to death.

In situations like these person #1 needs to remove their focus from how much of a detriment person #3 will be and call out her brother or sister in Christ, urging them to a place of faith that will not allow blind ignorance. Person #1 and #2 need to remember that God sees the heart and He knows when "We did not know!" is simply an excuse for "We did not choose to put forth the effort."